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21 Questions for a New Relationship

Here are all the essential questions to ask in a new relationship

The start of a new relationship is usually filled with excitement, passion, and that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. It’s also the best time to get to know one another and make sure you’re compatible enough to be in it for the long haul.  

Mismatched expectations are one of the biggest reasons why relationships fail. Discussing relationship expectations and core values early on not only helps you identify and communicate your own needs and expectations but also to understand your partner’s. 

We’ve put together 21 questions for a new relationship that everyone should ask their partner to get to know them better and find out what makes them tick. 

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What are the best questions to ask in a new relationship?

1. What activity brings you the most comfort when you’re feeling low? 

Research has found that when partners reported receiving emotional support from their partner, this was linked to a more positive mood and less anxiety and depression. Knowing how to support your partner when they’re feeling low can be incredibly beneficial to your relationship. 

2. What are you not willing to compromise on in a relationship? 

Setting healthy boundaries is vital for a relationship to succeed. This question lets you know what your partner considers a deal-breaker, and what their do’s and don’ts are in a relationship.  

3. What’s your weirdest quirk? 

Researchers at The Open University found that loving a partner “warts and all” and accepting their quirks as part of what makes them who they are is the basis of lasting, enduring love. Asking this question will also tell you how self-aware your partner is!

4. In your opinion, what counts as cheating? 

What counts as cheating changes from person to person, and from relationship to relationship. It’s important to discuss what infidelity means to both of you to avoid misunderstandings and jealousy down the road.

5. Do you enjoy being alone? Why or why not? 

According to relationship expert and therapist Dr. Terri Orbuch’s long-term study of relationships, couples said that space, or giving each other plenty of time for themselves, was the single most important factor in their relationship’s survival.

6. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

American psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found that a strong predictor of relationship stability is how much partners know about each other's "inner worlds".

Staying curious about your partner also helps you to remain connected in stressful times. This question will also give you an insight into your partner’s aspirations and bucket list ambitions. 

7. What do you need to feel loved? 

Knowing your partner’s needs is one of the most basic — yet essential — parts of a relationship toolkit.

All of us want to feel loved and cherished by our partners, but we all have different ways of communicating it. This means differences in how we express and receive love can go unnoticed or unappreciated.  

8. How much involvement should family have in your relationship? 

This question will tell you more about what family dynamic your partner grew up with, and will give you a glimpse into what your relationship with the in-laws might look like down the line.

9. How do you like to spend your free time? 

Not only will this question help you get to know your partner better, but it will give you a good sense of how compatible you are.

Having different hobbies is healthy for a relationship, but so is spending quality time together. If you’re an adrenaline-seeker and your partner is a staunch couch potato, you’ll have to get creative with finding ways to spend time together.

10. What does a successful relationship look like to you? 

Asking this question to your new partner will tell you if your visions of your relationship are aligned. It’s also an opportunity to discuss the needs and expectations you have for each other.

11. How do you like to be complimented? 

Research shows that regularly expressing appreciation for one another is a key factor in relationship satisfaction and quality. And who doesn’t love compliments?

12. What type of romantic gestures mean the most to you? 

The ‘Enduring Love?’ study found that everyday loving interactions were often far more appreciated by couples than grandiose gestures.

The researchers concluded that it was these small, daily romantic gestures that help sustain healthy, loving relationships. Find out what romantic gestures your partner would appreciate the most!

13. What’s one thing you need to keep the spark alive in a relationship? 

Asking this question will let you know what your partner values in the relationship — and what will help you both foster passion and excitement. 

14. Describe your ideal sex life in three words… 

Talking about sex with your partner might feel awkward — especially when the relationship is new — but the sooner you start doing it, the better. 

Research finds that couples who talk about their sex life are more satisfied in bed and have overall higher relationship satisfaction. Talking about sex is also a great way to ensure that communication stays open and clear about the expectations and desires surrounding sexual enjoyment. 

15. What do you tend to worry about the most in your relationships? 

In her long-term research study, Dr. Orbuch found that relationship happiness is partly contingent on how deeply and intimately two partners know each other — including how well they know each other's thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities. Knowing your partner’s relationship anxieties can help you know their triggers better, as well as how to support them. 

16. What do you think is the most important part of a romantic relationship? 

Does your partner care more about trust? Intimacy? Communication? Asking this question will help you get on the same page and set the right couple goals to keep your shared vision of the future on track. 

17. What did your parents or caregivers teach you about love and relationships? 

Understanding where your partner comes from can reveal a lot about who you are. Our family can play an important role in how we view love and relationships. Understanding why your partner holds certain views can help you make sense of their values and behaviors a lot better. 

18. How do you feel about sharing your passwords with your partner? 

This might be a contentious topic, but it’s important to understand how much your partner values trust and personal privacy in a relationship. What are their views on transparency? Would they be a controlling partner? 

19. If you could go back and relive one day of your life, which would you choose? 

This question is a great way to learn more about your partner’s past and find out what makes them tick. Plus, they might share a crazy adventure story or hilarious hijinks that will make the two of you laugh together. 

20. How do you think you’ve changed over the last five years? 

This will tell you a lot about what kind of person your partner is, what matters to them, and their motivation to make changes for the better. It can also give you a fun insight into what kind of person they were before you met. 

21. Do you believe in fate? Why or why not? 

This question might seem light-hearted and philosophical, but it can tell you a lot about how your partner views love, relationships, and the world in general.

Want to get to know your partner better? Download the Paired app for more relationship questions, quizzes, games, and tips.

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