The start of a relationship is often filled with sleepless nights spent getting to know each other and talking about your lives, dreams, likes, and dislikes. You’re filled with curiosity and questions to ask your partner.
Fast forward past the honeymoon phase and that sense of novelty is replaced with a sense of comfort and familiarity. Feeling comfortable with your partner isn’t a bad thing — it can provide a sense of safety and security — but it’s all too easy to let boredom set in.
“As a relationship progresses and our busy lives kick in, few couples make time for meaningful conversations,” says Dr. Jacqui Gabb, a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University and Chief Relationships Officer at Paired.
“We talk about schedules, who cleaned the sink, how to navigate shared desk space — but not about our everyday stressors, challenges, or vulnerabilities.”
In her research, Dr. Gabb found that couples who make time for intimate conversations build a foundation from which connection, intimacy, and trust can thrive.
So, we put together 40 intimate and insightful questions to ask your partner on your next date night, to keep those relationship foundations strong and stable.
How can I help out more around the house?
How do you think you can help more around the house?
Of the special occasions that we’ve celebrated together, which has meant the most to you?
When do you have the most fun with me?
When do you find me sexiest?
What do you need from me right after an argument?
How would you define a successful relationship?
What’s your favorite kind of physical affection?
What’s your least favorite kind of physical affection?
What’s one thing that has improved our relationship?
What’s our greatest strength as a couple?
What aspect of our relationship could we work on more?
How long do you think sex should last?
Which of our individual strengths brings the most to our relationship?
What sex act are you open to trying, but haven’t yet?
What scares you the most about relationships?
In what ways do you think we’re most compatible?
In what ways do you think we’re most incompatible?
What are the most important items on your bucket list?
What does relationship security mean to you?
Do you think sex should be passionate, fun, or romantic?
What do you remember about the first time we met?
What adventure would you like us to take together?
What’s one thing I introduced you to that you really like now?
What’s one thing I do that always turns you on?
What’s one of your favorite memories we’ve made together?
What song reminds you of our relationship?
When did you know you had feelings for me?
What physical object makes you think about me the most?
Which do you prefer: waking up together, or falling asleep together?
What’s the biggest challenge we’ve faced together?
What do you think is more important for a relationship: physical or emotional attraction?
How much sex do you want to be having?
What are our biggest strengths and weaknesses as a couple?
What could I do for you that I don't already do?
Aside from sex, what other ways do you like to be intimate?
What romantic gesture did you wish I did more?
What’s one quality we have in common?
What about me has surprised you the most?
What’s your favorite compliment to receive?
Looking for more questions to ask your partner? Download the Paired app!