How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Marriage

Setting healthy boundaries in marriage can help couples sustain a fulfilling relationship, where both partners can retain their individuality and autonomy — while still being deeply in love with each other. 

It may seem odd to instigate conversations about boundaries when you’re about to walk down the aisle, but if you choose to avoid these difficult conversations, it doesn’t bode well for your future together. 

“Healthy boundaries help you maintain a sense of self as you continuously deepen the trust in your relationship,” says Moraya Seeger DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist and In-House Expert at Paired.

“You're saying to your person, you can count on me to respond in this way to these events.” 

Learning how to set healthy and appropriate boundaries in your marriage can help couples maintain healthy habits, preventing a descent into any toxic behaviors. To learn more about setting boundaries in a marriage, read on. 

What are boundaries in a marriage?

Boundaries are a marker of any healthy relationship and are a key part of any successful marriage. Setting boundaries clearly defines what you are and are not comfortable with within the relationship. 

By putting down these markers, your partner can respect your decisions on important topics such as personal space, finances, emotional matters, or even material possessions. According to Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, setting healthy boundaries helps both partners “learn when to say yes and how to say no in the context of your marriage relationship.” 

These boundaries are therefore essential to making a marriage work, preventing any unhealthy codependent dynamics, and laying the foundations for a good marriage. 

Why do boundaries in marriage need to be established?

To foster a healthy marriage, boundaries should be established from the outset to preserve both the individual's personal autonomy and mental health as well as their self-control. While the concept of marriage invites two individuals to unite, it shouldn’t mean the loss of their individuality or independence. 

Establishing good boundaries doesn’t put a lease on the unconditional love that you share, but helps you to safeguard a healthy future. After all, every human being is entitled to boundaries in their lives and married couples should never feel they have to give up aspects of themselves to preserve their relationship. 

It may seem odd to lay out a long list of boundaries with your husband or wife, but clear communication allows these boundaries to become a point of relational growth — not something to get stressed over!

What are important boundaries in marriage?

There are several important boundaries to be set in any relationship, especially if you’re making a long-term commitment to each other. 

Rather than making a wish list of what you want from your partner, and keeping it to yourself, these boundaries should be openly communicated in your relationship. After all, if you feel like your partner is crossing your boundaries, but you never let them know in the first place — then it’s not fair on either partner!

For example, if you want to set boundaries with your in-laws, then you have to voice these concerns maturely. In these circumstances, you might reach a natural compromise where your boundaries can still be adhered to. 

It’s essential to set these personal boundaries and respect those of your spouse to preserve a healthy relationship. These boundaries are an entirely personal experience, differing from couple to couple. 

If you’re unsure of how to set appropriate boundaries in your relationship, it could be helpful to consult a marriage counselor to seek further advice.