Paired magazine logo

Why You Should Do Relationship Check-Ins

How to check in on your relationship, and why it's important

Good communication is a vital component of a healthy relationship, whether you’ve been married for years or have just made things official. But day-to-day life inevitably gets in the way, and it’s normal for communication with your partner to plateau. That’s where relationship check-ins come in.

Juggling a work-life balance, taking care of the kids, or dealing with life’s curveballs can all get in the way of intimacy in a relationship.

This happens to most couples, but luckily relationship check-ins are an easy and effective way to stay connected to your partner, find each other again, and avoid falling into a relationship rut.

What are relationship check-ins?

A relationship check-in is precisely what it sounds like. Just like you have one-on-ones with your manager at work, or go to the doctor for a regular physical, relationship check-ins are a time to audit your partnership. 

That might sound unsexy and impersonal, but relationship check-ins aren’t just about checking off boxes on a list. It’s a time for you and your partner to connect, air out any anxieties you might have (and prevent any future blow-outs), and involve each other in whatever’s going on in your lives. 

More importantly, it’s a time you both dedicate to prioritizing your relationship and creating a safe space where you can be vulnerable, share feedback, and emotionally show up for each other. 

Relationship check-ins allow both you and your partner to make sure your expectations for one another are clear. 

It can be dangerous to assume that you and your partner are always on the same page about everything, so unless you can read minds, you’ll have to communicate those needs through words!

Ready to connect with your partner everyday?

an answered paired daily question

How to have a relationship check-in

If you’re willing to give relationship check-ins a try, here are a few tips on how to do it successfully. 

  1. Tell your partner. This sounds like a no-brainer, but relationship check-ins only work if both partners put the work in. Let your SO know that you’re not trying to test them or pick a fight, but rather it’s a time for the two of you to connect. 

  2. Schedule it. If spontaneity works for both of you, that’s great. But you might want to carve out some time dedicated time to check in. Putting a time and date in the diary will help you be in a suitable mental space and ensure you’re not rushing through it. 

  3. Don’t criticize. Remember that relationship check-ins aren’t a time to start an argument. If you need to get something off your chest, address it calmly and use “I feel” statements to avoid placing blame. You’re in this together!

  4. Have fun! Relationship check-ins are a way for you and your partner to connect and appreciate one another, they shouldn’t feel like a chore. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy them — you can even make them part of a date night. 

  5. Do it regularly. Consistency is key, here. How often you should check in depends on your unique relationship needs. The important thing is to make it part of your schedule and check in regularly enough that you don’t neglect each other or let your needs fall by the wayside. With Paired, you receive monthly prompts to do a check-in with your partner and answer nine relationship check-in questions. Once you’ve both answered the questions you’ll be able to compare answers and see your strength and growth areas and track your progress. 

You might find that sometimes the check-in goes by quickly are you’re both on the same page, while other times you’ll have an issue to work through. That’s ok! Relationships aren’t always linear — and neither are people, for that matter — so you mind find some check-ins require a bit more time and effort.

At the end of the day, having regular check-ins gives you a dedicated space to communicate honestly and more openly about your feelings, needs, and desires with your partner.  What’s not to like about that?

Download the Paired app for monthly relationship check-in questions, couple exercises, and relationship advice from world-renowned therapists.

Start your journey
our appour app

petal decoration

Enjoying this article?

A happier relationship starts here.

Question with locked answer