130 Conversation Starters for Couples

Whatever relationship stage you’re at, there’s always a great question to ask with these conversation starters for couples
on November 02, 2023
Read time: 10 mins

Whether you’re on your first date or you’ve been together for years, having great conversation starters to hand means you’ll always have something to talk about. 

Relationship conversation starters don’t have to be too serious, and when you first meet you may want to concentrate on something fun and flirty — but getting to the deep questions will mean a better connection and give you a glimpse into how your partner looks at life and if you both have the same core values or aspirations. 

Sparking a meaningful conversation can sometimes be intimidating, so try and pick a time when you’re both relaxed and you’ve not both come in straight from work. Walking and talking is also a great time to have intimate conversations with your significant other, as you're not directly looking at each other. If you feel nervous about asking deeply personal questions, you can also use the Paired app for couples to open up and learn more about your partner in a less intimidating way.

We’ve put together 130 conversation topics for all stages of your relationship — whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been happily married for years — to help you get to know your partner better and deepen your bond.

Deep conversation starters for couples 

Deep or intimate conversation starters are a great way to feel closer to your partner. In fact, couples who open up regularly to each other and have deep conversations tend to report greater relationship satisfaction as a result.

  1. Do you want children one day? If so, why?

  2. How do you think you’ve changed in the last 10 years?

  3. Have you read a book that has changed the way you think about life?

  4. What’s the one thing you value about our relationship most?

  5. What would you say were the ingredients of a healthy relationship?

  6. What’s your form of self-care?

  7. What would you say your biggest insecurity is?

  8. If we were having issues in our relationship, who would you ask for help?

  9. Why did you finish your last relationship?

  10. What do you need before you fully trust someone?

  11. What’s your favorite thing to do by yourself? 

  12. What is your perfect self-care day? 

  13. Do you know what my deal breakers are?

  14. What’s the biggest mistake that you have ever made? 

  15. Do you think we’re introverts and extroverts? 

  16. What’s one thing your parents said to you that stuck with you for the rest of your life?

Fun conversation starters for couples

Deep conversations are great for connection, but fun conversation starters are a great way to bring some lighter touches to a conversation —so get those one-liners or funny answers at the ready.

  1. Have you been on any awful dates? Tell me about them.

  2. Would you prefer to come back as a cat or a dog?

  3. Would you rather be famous or have lots of money?

  4. Tell me about a time when you felt your happiest.

  5. What would be your dream vacation and what would you do on it?

  6. Tell me about your most embarrassing moment.

  7. What was your dream career when you were a kid?

  8. Would you rather give up chocolate or ice cream for the next year?

  9. What made you laugh so much in the last month that you couldn’t stop giggling?

  10. What secret conspiracy shall we start together?

Conversation starters for couples texting

For all couples, regardless of what stage you’re in, keeping the conversation new and fun over text can bring a fresh and exciting side to your relationship. Here are some examples of open-ended questions that will help the conversation flow better. 

  1. Do you have a favorite movie of all time?

  2. What song do you have on loop in your head?

  3. What flavor of ice cream would you say I was?

  4. What initially attracted you to me?

  5. If you won the lottery what would you do first?

  6. Tell me about a recent failure, how did it make you feel?

  7. What makes you feel safe?

  8. Netflix or a book? What’s your go-to in the evening?

  9. What’s your favorite place in the world?

  10. Who’s your best friend, and why?

Romantic conversation starters 

If you’re looking for romantic conversation starters then you’ll have to go a little deeper and get to know each other. Psychologist Dr.John Gottman says the more you know about each other's “inner worlds” the more stable your relationship becomes.

  1. Tell me how you knew you were in love with me.

  2. Where would you take me on a date if money was no object?

  3. Would you want a small or big wedding?

  4. When do you think the right time to get married is?

  5. Do you think we all have a soul mate? Do you think you’ve met yours?

  6. When we don’t see each other for a while what do you miss about me?

  7. What was the first thing you liked about me?

  8. What patterns of conflict did you learn from your parents?

  9. How can I understand you better?

  10. How do you show your love?

  11. What’s your favorite thing about being in a relationship? 

  12. Do you know my love language? 

  13. What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in a past relationship? 

  14. Describe your perfect day together. 

  15. How would you want to spend the rest of your life if there were no limits? 

Random conversation starters for couples

Whether you are delving into your partner's daydreams or real-life dreams and wishes, you’ll be connecting on a whole different level with these random conversation starters.

  1. Is there anything you wish you could be an expert at?

  2. What motivates you, personally and professionally?

  3. What would you do if you won the lottery?

  4. What do you daydream most about?

  5. If you could spend a night with a celebrity, without any repercussions, who would you choose?

  6. When have you been your happiest — on holiday or out with friends?

  7. What makes you like someone?

  8. Would you rather dance all night or go for a lavish meal?

  9. Tell me one thing about your appearance you like and why.

  10. What’s a new hobby you’d like to start?

  11. If you could watch any TV show for the first time again, what would it be? 

  12. What are your dream road trip plans? 

  13. What do you think of soft-launching someone on social media? 

  14. What is your biggest fear? 

  15. What’s the craziest thing that you have ever done? 

  16. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what would you want to bring?

Conversation starters for new couples

When you’ve just started dating it's important to bring some fun into your relationship but also have some more meaningful questions mixed in, so you can get to know each other on different levels.

  1. Where did you grow up — did you like it?

  2. Are you closer to your mom or dad?

  3. When was your last relationship and how did it end?

  4. Have you ever embarrassed yourself on a date?

  5. What are you looking for in a partner?

  6. Tell me about one of your favorite childhood memories.

  7. What’s your strongest opinion?

  8. What do you think your best quality is?

  9. How do you like to communicate with someone you’re dating?

  10. What’s the nicest thing you’ve done for a date?

  11. What’s the nicest thing you’ve done for a date?

  12. What’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day? 

  13. Do you have any pet peeves?

  14. Which family member do you most look up to? And why? 

Conversation starters for married couples

Even when you’re married there’s still room for improvement and communication. A study by the University of Virginia reported that couples who sit down and spend time together at least once a week are likely to enjoy higher-quality relationships and lower divorce rates.

  1. What’s the one thing you think we can improve on when it comes to our relationship?

  2. How can I help you achieve your goals over the next few months?

  3. What do you like most about married life?

  4. Do you have any favorite memories from our wedding day?

  5. Are you happy with your career?

  6. What adventure shall we plan next?

  7. Tell me about the weirdest dream you had recently.

  8. Where would you like to be in five years, professionally and personally?

  9. What’s on your bucket list that we haven’t ticked off yet?

  10. How can I show you how much I appreciate you?

  11. What do you think makes a successful relationship?

  12. How do you think we can best look after each other’s wellness?

Date night conversation starters

Date nights are the perfect chance to connect with your partner and have a relationship check-in in a fun, relaxed environment. Make sure there are no distractions so you can connect on a deeper level with each other. 

  1. Tell me about the last time you cried.

  2. What are three things you couldn’t live without?

  3. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow what would you do today?

  4. Imagine you could start your dream career tomorrow — what would it be?

  5. Tell me your life story in 10 minutes.

  6. Who do you look up to in your family the most?

  7. If you could be a fictional character, which one would you be?

  8. Who did you have a crush on in high school?

  9. What would you want to be able to cook that you find impossible?

  10. What famous person would you love to meet?

Juicy conversation starters for couples

Being honest and open about sex with your partner is essential — not just for your sex life, but for your overall relationship, too. One study found that couples who were open about sex with each other and experimented with new positions reported higher sexual satisfaction.

  1. When’s your favorite time of the day to have sex?

  2. What position would you like to explore, that we haven’t previously?

  3. What part of your body do you think is sexiest?

  4. What part of my body do you think is the sexiest? Why?

  5. If you knew we wouldn’t get caught where would you like to have sex with me?

  6. Is there anything I do that turns you on?

  7. Do you like to be in control in the bedroom?

  8. What sort of sexy texts turn you on?

  9. Have you ever had a one-night stand?

  10. What do you like most about my body?

  11. What’s your favorite part of foreplay? 

  12. What’s the sexiest thing that I do in my everyday life? 

  13. Do you remember the most embarrassing thing that’s happened in the bedroom?

Conversation starters for long-distance couples

Want to feel closer to your partner, even if you’re miles away? Here are some questions to ask your partner on your next FaceTime chat.

  1. What’s the last thing you think about before you fall asleep?

  2. Is there a movie that reminds me of you? Why?

  3. Would you rather never be able to FaceTime me or never be able to text me again?

  4. Do you think I’ve changed since we started dating?

  5. Where would you like to be with me right now?

  6. Is there a place you’ve always wanted to visit? Why haven’t you gone yet?

  7. What’s the first thing you’ll do when you see me next?

  8. Is there anything you’d like to achieve in the next year?

  9. Can I do or say anything to help you feel more secure in our relationship?

  10. What do you value the most in friendships?

  11. What place do you visit when you’re missing me? 

  12. What aspect of our daily life together do you miss the most? 

  13. If we could both move anywhere in the world and be together, where would you want to move? 

  14. Which superpower would you prefer to have — teleporting or time travel? (Both make it easier to be together!) 

  15. Where should we go on holiday together next? Can we start planning? 

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