150 Couples Therapy Questions to Consider in Your Couple

What relationship counseling questions should you ask?
on February 26, 2024
Read time: 10 mins
by Moraya Seeger DeGeare

Embarking on the journey of couples therapy can be a pivotal step toward understanding, healing, and strengthening your relationship. Even though therapy is such a positive step in any relationship, it can feel very daunting if you don’t know what to expect

With the right couples therapy questions, the experience can unlock deeper insights into your partnership, facilitating the kind of growth and change that you need.  

These carefully curated questions are designed to prompt reflection, encourage openness, and foster a deeper bond between partners. Covering a spectrum of themes — including trust, communication, intimacy, and future goals — this guide is an invaluable resource for couples preparing for their therapy journey! 

What type of questions should you ask to prepare for couples therapy? 

Diving into couples therapy with your partner can be a very daunting and scary step in any relationship. Before your first session, it’s important to take the time to chat through the process with your partner so you’re on the same page before you embark on this journey together. 

When preparing for your first couples therapy session, there are a few questions that you should ask your partner, as well as questions to ask your therapist — to make sure you’ve got the right fit. 

(Note: You should always start by ensuring you’re dealing with a licensed marriage and family therapist, as they have the best experience in helping married couples.) 

Questions to ask your partner before couples therapy 

  1. Do you think our personal mental health is affecting our relationship? 

  2. How do you feel about going to couples therapy, and what are your expectations from it?

  3. Are there specific relationship problems or issues that you hope to address in therapy?

  4. What do you think are the strengths of our relationship, and how can we build on them during therapy?

  5. In what ways do you feel I can better support you both inside and outside of therapy?

  6. How comfortable are you with being open and vulnerable in the therapy sessions, and is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?

  7. What do you want from a couples therapist? How do you think we should work as a team if we’re uncomfortable or unhappy with our marriage counselor? 

  8. What are your biggest fears about our relationship, and how do you hope therapy will help us address them?

  9. Do you think we would benefit from individual therapy sessions alongside our marriage counseling sessions? 

  10. Are there unresolved issues from our past that you feel are impacting our current relationship, and how would you like us to address them in therapy?

  11. What role do you think compromise plays in our relationship, and are there areas where you feel we could improve on finding a middle ground?

  12. How do you envision our relationship evolving through the therapy process, and what does a successful outcome look like to you?

  13. What are your thoughts on how we handle conflict, and what changes are you hoping to make in this area through therapy?

  14. What kind of counseling sessions would you prefer? Do you want to go in person or do it online? 

  15. How do you think our individual backgrounds and experiences have shaped our expectations of the relationship, and in what ways can we better understand and respect these influences as we move forward with marriage counseling? 

Couples therapy questions to ask your therapist 

  1. What is your approach to couples therapy, and how do you typically structure the sessions?

  2. As a couples counselor, can you share your experience and training supporting h issues similar to ours?

  3. How do you handle situations where one partner may be more engaged in the therapy process than the other?

  4. What are your expectations from us as clients, and how can we get the most out of our therapy sessions?

  5. How do you maintain neutrality, ensuring that both partners feel heard and supported?

  6. Can you explain how confidentiality works within the context of couples therapy?

  7. How do you approach individual issues that may arise during couples therapy sessions?

  8. What is your policy on communication outside of sessions, in case we have a crisis or urgent issue?

  9. How do you measure progress in therapy, and what indicators should we look for to gauge our progress?

  10. Can you recommend any resources (books, articles, workshops) that we can utilize outside of therapy to support our journey?

  11. How do you incorporate or address sexual intimacy issues within your therapy sessions?

  12. What strategies do you suggest for managing conflicts that may arise between sessions?

  13. How do you decide when it's appropriate to conclude therapy, and what does that process look like?

  14. Can you provide guidance on how to discuss and set goals for our therapy together?

  15. How do you approach the balance between addressing individual needs and concerns within the context of improving the relationship as a whole?

What type of questions are asked during couples therapy? 

When you’re going into couples therapy, it can feel like you’re stepping into the unknown, even if you prepare within your relationship!

However, therapy isn’t something to be scared of! Therapy provides a safe space for you to chat through issues, with your therapist giving you the tools you need to make your relationship work. 

"After your first couples therapy session, discuss as a couple if you feel understood by the therapist,” says Moraya Seeger DeGeare. 

“Ask yourselves whether you're willing to work with them, despite the intimidating concept of therapy. If you left the session feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or unwilling to share space with this person, don't ignore these feelings. You already have a lot happening in your relationship, and starting off feeling unheard by your therapist is an added stress that you don't need." 

By utilizing their years of experience, they’re aiming to make positive changes in your relationship. While it may not always be plain sailing when you’re on the couch (as they will ask you some tough relationship questions), it’s all about working towards a good relationship long-term. 

The questions asked will vary depending on your couple's therapist, your individual relationship problems, and your chosen method of therapy. 

Couples therapy questions about conflict 

  1. If the things that bother you about your partner didn’t change, would you still be willing to pursue the relationship? 

  2. What are your strong and weak points when it comes to conflict resolution? 

  3. What past conflicts always reappear in arguments? 

  4. How do you usually feel after an argument, and what steps do you take to reconcile?

  5. Can you share an instance where a conflict led to a positive outcome or understanding between you two?

  6. How do you express your needs and frustrations to your partner in a way that they understand and respect?

  7. In what ways do you feel supported by your partner during a conflict, and in what ways do you feel misunderstood?

  8. How do external stresses (like work, family, and health) impact the way you handle conflicts within your relationship?

  9. Do you think your methods of resolving conflicts have evolved since the beginning of your relationship? If so, how?

  10. What role do apologies play in your process of resolving conflicts, and how do you both approach forgiveness?

  11. How do you balance the need for individual space with the need for resolving a conflict together?

  12. What boundaries or rules can you both agree on to ensure conflicts are handled healthily in the future?

  13. Reflecting on a recent conflict, what could have been done differently by both of you to prevent it or resolve it more effectively?

  14. How do you both define respect and can you give examples of how you feel respected or disrespected during conflicts?

  15. What commitments are you willing to make to each other to improve the way conflicts are managed and resolved in your relationship?

Couples therapy questions about communication 

  1. What communication issues do you think you struggle with? 

  2. What kind of communication style do you think makes a healthy relationship? 

  3. Does your partner ever make you feel ignored? 

  4. Do you think that you both practice open communication? 

  5. How do you both handle criticism or feedback from each other? Can you share examples where it was done constructively?

  6. In moments of misunderstanding, how do you try to understand your partner's perspective?

  7. How do you express appreciation for each other, and how often do you do it?

  8. Can you identify any patterns or triggers that lead to breakdowns in communication? How do you usually respond to these triggers?

  9. How does your communication change when one or both of you are stressed or upset?

  10. How do you communicate your needs and desires to your partner, and do you feel heard and understood when you do?

  11. Have there been times when nonverbal communication (e.g., body language, tone of voice) has led to misunderstandings? How did you address it?

  12. How do you ensure that you're giving each other undivided attention, especially during important conversations?

  13. How do you navigate conversations about difficult topics or decisions that need to be made?

  14. Do you feel comfortable expressing vulnerability and insecurities with your partner? How does your partner respond?

  15. How do you both manage and communicate boundaries within your relationship?

Couples therapy questions about your connection 

  1. Do you know how to satisfy each other's love languages? 

  2. Can you discuss how your cultural backgrounds influence your relationship dynamics? 

  3. How have your life goals and dreams evolved since being together, and how do you support each other in achieving them?

  4. In what ways do you feel most connected to your partner, and how often do you experience these moments of connection?

  5. Can you identify any shared values or interests that strengthen your bond, and how do you actively nurture these areas?

  6. How do you navigate differences in your need for independence versus intimacy to maintain a healthy balance in your relationship?

  7. How has your communication style affected your sense of connection with each other, and what improvements can be made?

  8. What rituals or traditions have you created together that enhance your sense of unity and partnership?

  9. How do you each respond to stress or crisis, and how does this impact your connection and support for one another?

  10. Can you share a time when you felt particularly disconnected from each other, and what steps did you take to address this feeling?

  11. How do you make time for each other in your daily routines, ensuring that your relationship remains a priority?

  12. What role does physical affection play in your relationship, and how do you ensure both partners' needs are met in this area?

  13. How do you deal with changes or transitions in life (e.g., moving, job changes, children) as a couple, and how does this affect your connection?

  14. Discuss a shared challenge you've overcome together. How did facing this challenge affect your relationship and connection?

  15. How do you each perceive and handle moments of vulnerability in the relationship, and how do these moments impact your emotional intimacy and connection?

Couples therapy questions about future goals 

  1. What do you think makes a successful marriage?

  2. Can you share a memory where you felt the strongest emotional connection? 

  3. How do your individual goals align with your shared goals as a couple, and where might there be discrepancies?

  4. What steps are you both willing to take to support each other's personal growth and achievements?

  5. How do you envision your life together in the next 5, 10, and 20 years, and what plans do you have in place to realize this vision?

  6. In what ways do you discuss and negotiate compromises when your visions for the future differ?

  7. How do you plan to maintain your connection and intimacy as you pursue your individual and shared goals?

  8. What role does financial planning play in achieving your future goals, and how do you approach this topic together?

  9. How do you plan to navigate life's unexpected challenges or changes to ensure they don't derail your future goals?

  10. What strategies do you have for maintaining a healthy balance between work, personal interests, and your relationship?

  11. How do you incorporate family planning (if applicable) into your future goals, and what discussions have you had regarding parenting styles or values you wish to instill in your children?

  12. How do you plan to keep the romance and partnership vibrant and fulfilling as you both evolve and grow over the years?

  13. What legacy do you hope to create or leave as a couple, and how does this influence the goals you set for your future together?

  14. How do you address and adapt to each other's changing needs and desires as you age together?

  15. How do you plan to ensure that both partners remain equally engaged and invested in pursuing and revisiting your shared goals as life circumstances change?

Couples therapy questions about infidelity 

  1. How do you think your actions make your partner feel? 

  2. What were the underlying issues in the relationship that may have contributed to the infidelity?

  3. Can you describe the emotions you've experienced since discovering the infidelity?

  4. How has the trust been affected in your relationship, and what do you think it would take to rebuild it?

  5. In what ways have you communicated your needs and boundaries to each other since the infidelity came to light?

  6. What specific actions are you willing to take to repair the damage and work towards forgiveness?

  7. How do you envision the future of your relationship, and what changes do you think are necessary to move forward?

  8. How has this experience affected your self-esteem and self-image, and what support do you need to heal?

  9. What role do you think transparency and honesty will play in your relationship moving forward?

  10. How can you both create a safe space to express your feelings and vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or retaliation?

  11. In what ways can you support each other in the healing process, acknowledging that both partners may be experiencing pain?

  12. What are your expectations from therapy, and what outcomes are you hoping to achieve in terms of dealing with the infidelity?

  13. How do you plan to handle external judgments or pressures from family and friends regarding your decision to work on the relationship?

  14. How do you both define forgiveness in the context of infidelity and what milestones do you believe are necessary to achieve it?

  15. What preventive measures can you both agree on to protect your relationship from future betrayals or misunderstandings?

Couples therapy questions about intimacy 

  1. How would you describe the quality of your sex life? 

  2. What can you do to improve your sex life? 

  3. Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship? 

  4. How do you both communicate your desires and boundaries around intimacy?

  5. Can you identify any emotional barriers that might be affecting your physical connection?

  6. In what ways do you show affection outside of sexual activities, and how important is this to you?

  7. How has your intimacy changed throughout your relationship, and what factors do you think contributed to these changes?

  8. Are there any unresolved issues or resentments that might be impacting your intimacy?

  9. How comfortable do you feel initiating intimacy, and what can your partner do to make you feel more at ease?

  10. What role does trust play in your intimate relationship, and how can you both work to strengthen it?

  11. How do you react to your partner's advances when you're not in the mood for intimacy, and how does this affect your connection?

  12. What expectations do you have about intimacy, and how do these align or differ from your partner's expectations?

  13. Can you share a memorable moment of intimacy that strengthened your bond, and what made it special?

  14. How do you balance the needs for both emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship?

  15. What steps are you willing to take to explore and enhance intimacy, considering both partners' comfort levels and interests?

Couples therapy questions about financial issues 

  1. How do each of you view money and its role in your life and relationship?

  2. Can you describe how your family dealt with money and how that influences your current financial behaviors?

  3. Have you established short-term and long-term financial goals as a couple, and how do you plan to achieve them?

  4. How do you approach budgeting and spending decisions, and how effective do you feel your current strategies are?

  5. Can you identify any financial stressors in your relationship, and what steps have you taken to address them?

  6. How do you make decisions about significant financial commitments, such as purchasing a home or planning for retirement?

  7. Are there any disagreements on prioritizing financial goals, and how do you resolve them?

  8. How do you handle differences in income or attitudes toward saving and spending within your relationship?

  9. Have there been any financial secrets or surprises that have affected your relationship, and how were they dealt with?

  10. What role do financial responsibilities play in your relationship, and how are tasks and decisions divided?

  11. How do you approach the topic of debt, including any existing debt brought into the relationship or incurred together?

  12. What measures have you put in place to ensure financial security and independence for both partners?

  13. How do you plan to educate yourselves or seek advice on financial matters to improve your financial health as a couple?

  14. How do you celebrate financial milestones or achievements, and how do these celebrations reinforce your partnership and shared goals?

  15. In what ways do you support each other in personal financial ambitions, such as career advancements or entrepreneurial endeavors, and how does this support affect your relationship dynamics?

Couples therapy questions about independence 

  1. How do you feel like you can support each other’s personal growth? 

  2. In what ways do you each pursue your own interests or hobbies, and how does this affect your relationship?

  3. Can you identify any fears or concerns about being independent or allowing independence in the relationship?

  4. How do you balance your need for independence with your desire for a close and intimate relationship?

  5. Have there been instances where one partner's pursuit of independence led to feelings of neglect or disconnect in the relationship? How was this addressed?

  6. How do you communicate your needs for personal space or alone time without causing misunderstanding or hurt?

  7. What strategies do you employ to ensure that both partners feel secure and valued, even when pursuing individual activities or goals?

  8. How do you support each other in achieving personal or professional goals that require time apart or individual focus?

  9. Can you discuss a time when supporting each other’s independence actually brought you closer as a couple?

  10. How do you negotiate and respect boundaries around independence, such as time with friends, privacy, or solo travel?

  11. What role does trust play in fostering independence within your relationship, and how do you build and maintain this trust?

  12. How does your relationship accommodate changes in each partner's need for independence, such as during transitions or significant life events?

  13. Are there areas where you feel your independence is compromised, and how can you work together to address these feelings?

  14. How do you each react to the other's successes and achievements that are independent of the relationship, and what does this reveal about your support for one another?

  15. In what ways do you plan or envision growing individually in the next few years, and how does this individual growth complement your vision as a couple?

Frequently Asked Questions

  • What if my boyfriend won't go to couples counseling?

    If your boyfriend is hesitant or refuses to go to couples counseling, it can be a challenging situation, especially if you believe that therapy could benefit your relationship. However, therapy won’t work unless you both want to be involved and work on the relationship. All you can do is give your partner all the relevant information about therapy, open up a dialogue about going together, and then see how they move forward from there.
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