Do you ever wonder how compatible you and your partner really are? Sometimes all it takes to find out is answering the right questions about your relationship.
Many people think that to be in love with your partner you have to be the same person — you have to think alike, dream alike, and even share the same interests. You’ll be glad to know that’s not true. After all, no two people are exactly alike.
The happiest couples learn to share their innermost thoughts and feelings and identify their differences in order to develop a greater understanding of each other.
Being compatible in a relationship means acknowledging your differences and working together on finding a common ground to grow closer and navigate conflict in a healthy way. But how do you know if you and your partner are compatible?
Our relationship compatibility test can help. Answer the following quiz to discover if you and your partner are compatible.
A. Satisfying, we’re in sync about what type of sex we want and how much
B. A bit boring. I’d like to try new things, but I struggle with how to express that
C. Good enough, but I don’t have time to worry about it right now
D. Fine, but why does everyone else seem to be having more sex than me?
A. We regularly plan quality time to spend together as a couple
B. We schedule date nights but often get distracted and don’t focus on us
C. We don’t have a lot of time to spend together and that causes arguments
D. We mainly hang out in groups, but that’s fine by me
A. I say what I feel — honesty’s the best policy
B. Ignore it, change the subject, and hope things blow over
C. Make peace — try to find a quick solution so that we can move on to other things
D. Catastrophize, I worry about the impact of fighting on our relationship
A. I like where we’re going — we often talk about our future goals together
B. I worry that we both want different things
C. We tend to focus on individual goals, but that works for us
D. We have a lot to achieve, I hope we pull it off
Communication’s no issue in your relationship, you’re open with each other about how you feel, and honesty and intimacy are a staple part of your relationship as a result.
Tip: Remember to live in the moment, this practice can slip in even the most communicative of relationships. Research shows that regular mindfulness reduces stress, enhances empathy and compassion, increases concentration, and helps us to manage both physical pain and emotional distress better.
You’ve identified differences in your personalities and visions for the future, but are afraid to bring it up out of awkwardness or fear of rocking the boat.
Tip: Use “I feel” statements to express needs. When we speak from this perspective, we’re more likely to invite our partner to be compassionate and empathetic rather than defensive, and it makes awkward conversations much more approachable.
Being in a relationship shouldn't consume all of your time, and even the healthiest relationships have a few lapses in communication, but happy couples prioritize regular quality time and daily rituals of connection.
Tip: Schedule time for each other. It doesn’t have to be hours — even a weekly coffee together or a daily stroll round the block can build up fun memory banks and result in higher levels of relationship satisfaction overall.
No matter how happy you are, you can’t help thinking other couples are happier. Research has shown that comparing you and your partner to other couples on social media, for example, can lead to relationship dissatisfaction.
Tip: It's important to use your own relationship as a marker by which you measure growth, rather than holding yourself to someone else’s standard. Spend time discussing the goals that mean the most to you as individuals and as a couple, and plan to work together towards them as a team.
Want to understand your relationship’s strengths and weaknesses and connect emotionally as a couple? Download Paired.