Sex is all about having fun, connecting, and even communicating with your partner. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sticking with a routine (if it ain’t broke, right?) sex is also about experimenting and branching out. So if you’re looking for new things to try in bed with your long-term partner, keep on reading.
Not only can trying new things in bed be fun, but it can also keep the spark alive and bring you closer to your partner. Even couples with the happiest sex life can benefit from adding a sense of novelty and excitement in the bedroom.
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples who took part in "self-expanding" (aka, new and different) activities reported higher sexual desire and satisfaction.
It’s also normal for your preferences to change with time, so what you used to like when you and your partner first started dating might have changed. Stepping out of your sexual comfort zone can help you rediscover your and your partner’s, needs, and desires.
Make a list of your turn-ons and turn-offs: what do you like and dislike during sex? What sensations get you going, and which ones give you the ick?
Consider your fantasies: make a note of any fantasies you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s roleplay, BDSM, or having sex in public.
Make a list of things you’re open to trying: are there any kinks or fetishes you’re curious about? Keeping an open mind can feel scary, but it can also open the door to new turn-ons.
Talk to your partner: open and honest communication is absolutely vital. Before you try anything new in bed, you and your partner should discuss boundaries, limits, and expectations. Enthusiastic consent is not only necessary but good and safe sex relies on everyone involved feeling safe and comfortable.
Below are 35 sexy new things to try with your significant other. Some of them might sound boring or vanilla, but even the smallest change in your routine can make a world of difference.
Whether you’re in a bit of a sexual rut, or you’re looking for something sexy to do on your next date night, there’s no harm in trying something new.
Discuss these with your partner, give them a try, and see what works for you. When you try something new in bed, make sure to check in with your partner throughout the experience to ensure they’re still having a good time.
Film yourselves. Make an adult home movie with your smartphone, or whip out a camcorder as a throwback. But be sure to keep your digital safety in mind and delete the footage after re-watching it. The memory of the experience will be enough!
Reenact your favorite love scene from TV or film. Pick a scene each, and re-create it. Whoever plays the part more convincingly wins.
Try flavored lube or condoms. Jazz up oral play with some new lube flavors.
Buy a Kama Sutra. And work your way through the whole thing!
Roleplay. Live out your fantasies by dressing up and pretending to be someone else.
Incorporate food in the bedroom. Lick whipped cream or chocolate sauce off one another. Or go for something savory… cheese whiz, anyone?
Sample an aphrodisiac. Cook a meal together using some common aphrodisiacs, such as oysters, truffles, dark chocolate, and maca. Admittedly, the science behind aphrodisiacs is murky at best, but it can’t hurt to try!
Experiment with tantric sex. Tantric sex originates from ancient Hinduism and focuses on creating a deep, intimate connection rather than just reaching orgasm. It’s about the journey, not the destination.
Play with a new toy. Whether it’s a vibrator, nipple clamps, or a toy made for partnered sex, surf the web or visit your local sex shop with your partner and pick something out together.
Tie each other up. If full-on BDSM sounds like too much, engage in some light bondage and take turns pleasuring each other while your partner is tied up.
Get into wax play. Buy some special wax play candles and heat things up (literally). You can buy candles that melt into fragrant body oil when warmed up, so you can drip the oil onto your partner and give them a sensual massage.
Download some audio erotica. It’s like podcasts, but sexier. Get comfy with your partner, open a bottle of wine, listen to some audio erotica, and see where the evening takes you.
Try edging. See who can last longer by edging, a sexual practice that involves controlling or delaying an orgasm to extend physical arousal.
Roll some sex dice. Can’t be bothered to choose something new to try? Roll the dice and let them decide.
Watch each other masturbate. Take turns touching yourself while your partner watches, and see how long it takes before they can’t control themselves any longer.
Have sex somewhere other than your bed. We get it, beds are comfortable — but switching up your love-making locations can be an easy way to inject some novelty into your routine.
Don a strap-on. For those who don’t have a penis, using a strap-on can be a great way to try something completely new, and focus on giving.
Try vibrating panties. Spice up a romantic date night or even just a trip to the supermarket by wearing a pair of vibrating panties and giving your partner the remote control.
Have a threesome. There’s a reason why threesomes are of the most common sexual fantasies, after all.
Take turns being dominant and submissive. If you’ve never tried power play, this could be a great way to learn if you’re more dom or sub in the bedroom.
Give anal play a go. Use your fingers, tongue, or a toy to explore uncharted waters.
Watch ethical porn together. Look up the best feminist and ethical porn sites and enjoy the show together.
Buy a sex swing. Take your sex game to new heights (pun intended) by trying new positions on a sex swing.
Have shower sex. Get steamy in the shower — but be careful not to slip!
Have sex in the bathtub. Don’t like having sex standing up? Draw a bubble bath, light some candles, and… well, you know the rest.
Use a blindfold. While your partner is blindfolded, touch and kiss their whole body. Not being able to see will heighten all the other sensations. Then, switch positions and try being the blindfolded one.
Have phone sex. Aside from being hot as hell, phone sex can be a fantastic way to practice your communication skills. Everyone should try it at least once!
Do it in front of a mirror. This way, you both get to enjoy the show. Remember to tell your partner how good they look.
Talk dirty. Dirty talk can feel a bit cringe when you first try it, but once you get into it it’s a super sexy way to communicate exactly what you want.
Try spanking. Some light spanking can be very sexy. Just remember to discuss your boundaries first.
Go oral-only. Prioritize your partner’s pleasure, then have them return the favor.
Buy a sex pillow. A sex pillow can make even the most tried-and-tested positions feel brand new. Don’t want to splash the cash? No worries, a skillfully positioned pillow will also do the trick.
Send each other sexts throughout the day. Make the day exciting and send each other sexy messages or nudes while you’re at work to get your motors running. You’ll be sure to jump on each other’s bones when you both get back home in the evening.
Ice, ice, baby. Try tracing your partner’s body to play with a chilling sensation that will heighten their senses.
Put some music on. If you’re used to having sex in silence, adding a sexy soundtrack could be a welcome addition. And who knows, the rhythm of the beats can inspire some new sexy tempos to mimic.
Love all of these ideas and don’t know where to start? Write down each idea on a piece of paper, add it to a jar, then take turns fishing one out to try.
Trying new things in bed can not only spice up your sex life, but it can also create a deeper connection with your partner, and freshen up a long-term relationship.
If you liked these suggestions, download Paired and play the “Kinky Sex Bucket List” game!