They may sound similar, and while both polygamy and polyamory involve having more than one partner, that’s where the similarities for these types of romantic relationships end.
Polyamory is the act of having intimate, romantic, or sexual relationships with more than one person at the same time — also known as consensual non-monogamy (CNM) or ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Polygamy, on the other hand, means having more than one spouse, which is against the law in most countries.
Rhian Kivits, a sex and relationship therapist, explains polygamy vs polyamory and the common misconceptions about both relationship terms.
Polygamy means that a person has more than one spouse.
Data shows that only about 2% of the global population lives in polygamous households as it is against the law in most Western countries (including the U.S. and the U.K.). However, it’s still a legal practice in many cultures, countries, and religions.
“Both polyandry and polygyny are forms of polygamy, but polyandry is where a woman has more than one husband and polygyny is where a man has more than one wife,” explains Kivits.
Although it’s not as common as polygamy in men, a woman can be a polygamist — and if she is married to more than one man and she would be referred to as polyandry.
Even though this isn’t legal in the U.S. and would be known as bigamy, some countries do allow it. A select number of tribes in Nigeria allow women to have co-husbands, while other tribes in South America and Northern India also allow polyandry.
Polyamory means that one or both partners agree to have sexual and/or intimate relationships with different partners.
Although they are both a form of consensual non-monogamy, polyamorous relationships are different to open relationships, which is when one or more partners have a sexual relationship with someone who isn’t their primary partner. Therefore, while polyamorous people might have open relationships or be swingers, it isn’t the same thing.
So, what is the difference between polygamy and polyamory? To clear up the confusion, Kivits explains polyamory is more acceptable as this type of relationship style doesn’t involve marriage.
“This is considered more acceptable than polygamy, certainly in the U.S., where polygamy is not lawful,” she says.
In the U.S., polygamous marriages are illegal under federal law, under the Edmunds Act of 1882. Therefore, you can arrange to have several romantic partners, you cannot marry more than one of them.
“Marriage tends to be thought of as a monogamous commitment in today's society. Polyamory isn't associated with marriage per se, although some polyamorous people are married, and so society tends to understand this concept more easily than polygamy.”
Since polyamory is a very different relationship style to the common form we are used to — it can raise a lot of questions.
Can polyamorous couples build long-lasting relationships? Do polyamorous couples have primary relationships or partners of any gender? Is polyamory just about open communication?
Kivits takes us through some of the most common misconceptions when it comes to polyamory relationships:
No, they’re two different things. Hypersexuality — also known as hypersexuality disorder or sexual addiction — is a “preoccupation with sex and usually involves compulsive sexual behavior, while polyamory is about love and relationships,” explains Kivits.
Of course, the two may cross over in some instances, however as most polyamorous relationships rely on high levels of communication and emotional intimacy it’s not as likely.
Some people in polyamorous relationships still want to keep their independence and single status — which is known as solo polyamory, or solo poly. Unlike open relationships, someone who is solo poly will still be in a loving relationship with two or more partners, but it will involve an emotional connection, as well as an intimate relationship. The key difference is that someone who is practicing solo polyamory won’t have a primary or anchor partner.
It’s a common misconception that people in polyamorous relationships are at greater risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), but the fact of the matter is that all sexually active people need to look after their sexual health, regardless of what type of relationship they’re in. “This means using condoms to have safe sex and reduce the risk of STIs and to be aware of the risk of pregnancy,” says Kivits.
People in polyamorous relationships typically have strong communication skills and establish clear boundaries to ensure healthy sexual practices. Given the open nature of these relationships, assumptions are avoided and all parties involved prioritize honest conversation to maintain a satisfying relationship, thus potentially reducing STI risk overall.