100 Most Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

What should be the first question to ask before marriage?
on October 05, 2023
Read time: 10 mins
by Moraya Seeger DeGeare

Before committing to the person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with, there are a number of considerations to be made.

Even though it may not seem that romantic, we believe that there are some questions to ask before marriage to ensure a happy future together. If you don’t ask these pre-marriage questions, things could catch you off guard later on and disrupt your marital bliss. 

While the wedding plan is all about asking questions, from ‘What venue should we choose?’ to ‘How many people do we want to have at the reception?’ — we’d consider these questions to be even more important! 

How do we approach these conversations in a relationship? 

Marriage is a big commitment, and even though a proposal comes with a lot of excitement, it should also come with some considerations. 

Instead of diving headfirst into your love bubble, it’s important to ask your significant other a number of questions, so nothing can burst that bubble down the line! 

Even though it’s tempting to brush things under the rug to preserve the romantic feel of a relationship, you could regret this in the future. With your wedding day looming in the distance, it can be a very stressful time. However, before you get wrapped up in the wedding planning, take a step back and have an open, honest conversation with your partner. 

Asking the right questions, at the right time is an essential step in your wedding planning — even if it wasn’t always a part of your priority list! 

Should you ask these questions before you accept a proposal? 

As you get to know your partner, you will naturally ask your partner a number of questions to understand your compatibility levels!

While some questions come naturally, there are a number of marriage-specific questions to ask if you feel you’re in for a long-term commitment. For example, asking bigger life questions about children or careers is essential in order to avoid disagreements or conflicts in the future.

If these topics aren’t discussed, many couples can find themselves in the awkward situation of having to call off an engagement or enter divorce proceedings down the line. 

What are the most important questions to ask before marriage? 

Before you walk down the aisle, it’s important to ask questions about your future spouse in order to guarantee a healthy relationship moving forward. 

While every married couple is different, this list of questions can help you understand your relationship goals before you make this kind of commitment. Don’t feel pressured to grill your partner with every single question, but there might be some things in here that will prevent conflict down the line! 

“When discussing relationships, it is important to acknowledge that healthy ones are those that promote mutual growth and development,” says Moraya Seeger DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist and In-House Expert at Paired.

“Being in an intimate relationship means welcoming your partner's influence into your life, with the goal of growing together. It is crucial to avoid pressuring your partner to change their perspectives or beliefs, as this can lead to future disappointment. Instead, embrace the fact that as you navigate life together, your understanding of the world constantly evolves and expands. Therefore, regularly revisiting these questions is essential for deepening the bond and connection within your relationship.” 

So grab a seat and start up the conversation with your future spouse! 

Questions about the relationship 

  1. What are your dealbreakers? 

  2. How do you express love? 

  3. What is your love language and how can I fulfill that in our marriage? 

  4. Do you know my love languages, and are you happy to adapt to them? 

  5. How have you healed from your past relationships? 

  6. Do you believe in talking about past relationships? Or to never mention it?

  7. Do you still believe in the importance of date nights in a marriage? 

  8. Do you think you’ve got any insecurities lingering from a past relationship or from childhood?

  9. How do you feel about relationship breaks? 

  10. Do you feel like you might have trust issues?

  11. What does marriage mean to you?  

  12. What boundaries would you like to put in place when it comes to the opposite sex? 

  13. Were there any red flags you saw in past relationships that you regret ignoring? 

  14. How would you feel about sleeping apart if one of us snores? 

  15. What is your attachment style, and how can I adapt to this? 

  16. How would you feel if we ever had to spend extended periods of time apart or do long-distance for a specific reason? 

Questions about children 

  1. Do you want children? 

  2. What’s your ideal age for having children? 

  3. How many kids would you like to have? 

  4. How would you cope if we struggled to get pregnant? 

  5. If we had fertility issues, would you be open to adoption? 

  6. Would you be disappointed if you didn’t have a boy/girl? 

  7. What are your views about hiring childcare? 

  8. Would you want one of us to pause our career in order to mind the children? 

  9. When we have kids, will you be happy changing diapers? 

  10. Do you believe in an equal approach to childcare? 

  11. What would be your chosen parenting style? 

  12. What would you do if one of our kids said they were questioning their gender identity or sexuality? 

  13. Do you feel that your children should view you as a friend, or as an enforcer? 

  14. How would you want to discipline your kids? 

  15. How would you like to handle parenting decisions as a team? 

Questions about conflict resolution 

  1. What are you willing to compromise on? 

  2. What are you not willing to compromise on under any circumstances? 

  3. How much alone time do you need after an argument? 

  4. Would you rather discuss issues as they arise or wait until things pass? 

  5. Do you believe in the 3-day rule? 

  6. How would you cope with feeling unheard in a relationship? 

  7. How do you think we could improve our overall communication style? 

  8. Would you be willing to attend marriage counseling if we were having issues in our relationship? 

  9. Would you consider a divorce if things weren’t going well? 

  10. Who would you turn to for advice if our relationship was going through a rough patch? 

Questions about stress 

  1. If you were struggling with your mental health, how would you cope with that? 

  2. Would you be opposed to seeking help with your mental health? 

  3. What do you think is the healthiest way to manage stress? 

  4. What do you do for stress relief? 

  5. Do you prefer to be left alone when you’re stressed? 

Questions about career goals 

  1. How important do you consider your career? 

  2. Would you take a career break to facilitate childcare? 

  3. What do you want to achieve in your career? 

  4. Do you have a salary goal in mind? 

  5. Where does your career come in your list of priorities? 

  6. How would you feel about relocating for work? 

  7. How would you like to spend your retirement? 

  8. What age would you ideally like to retire? 

Questions about morals 

  1. What beliefs are you secure in and seek to find compatibility in a partner? 

  2. What do you consider to be your core values? 

  3. What are your opinions on gender roles in a relationship? 

  4. Do you have any spiritual beliefs? 

  5. Do your religious beliefs impact your other decisions? 

Questions about intimacy 

  1. Are you satisfied with the way your sex life is right now? 

  2. How would you handle it if your sex life became boring? 

  3. Do you have any medical issues that you feel would affect your sex life? 

  4. What are your views on birth control? 

  5. Who’s going to handle birth control?

  6. How would you feel if we had to switch birth control methods because of negative effects? 

  7. In the future, would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

  8. Are there things you’d never do in the bedroom? 

  9. How many times a week would you like to be intimate with your partner? 

  10. Are you against self-pleasure in a marriage? 

Questions about the financial aspects of the relationship 

  1. Do you believe in signing a pre-nuptial agreement? 

  2. Do you want separate bank accounts, or should they be separate? 

  3. What are your financial goals and how do you wish to reach them? 

  4. What are your longer-term financial goals? 

  5. What age do you want to retire? 

  6. Do you think it’s important to save for retirement? 

  7. How would you feel if a family member wanted to borrow money? 

  8. What are your opinions on budgeting? 

  9. How do you feel about debt?

  10. What if we both want something separately, but we can’t afford both? 

  11. Do you believe in star signs? Or what are your opinions on karma? 

Questions to ask about extended family 

  1. How do you want to deal with your in-laws? 

  2. If our parents become ill, how do you want to deal with that? 

  3. What boundaries do you think are important to set with our in-laws? 

  4. Do you want to live near our in-laws later in life? 

  5. Do you think extended family should have a role in the wedding? 

  6. Would you be comfortable with our in-laws minding our children/family? 

  7. What if one of your family members said they disliked me? 

  8. Would you like to attend regular family dinners or events? 

  9. Who’s family should we be spending holidays or Christmas with? 

  10. What are your opinions on family holidays? 

Questions about other important topics 

  1. Would you say you have a best friend or multiple best friends? 

  2. How do you feel about having pets? 

  3. How would you fairly assign household chores?

  4. What is your biggest personal insecurity? 

  5. What are your opinions on dieting? Or what healthy eating habits would you prefer? 

  6. Will having friends of the opposite sex trouble you or create conflict? 

  7. How do you feel about social media use in our relationship? 

  8. How would you feel about working out together? 

  9. Do you consider travel to be important in a relationship? 

  10. Where is your ideal place to live? 

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