5 Habits of Couples Who Have a Great Sex Life

How to improve your sex life, according to research

Change in sexual habits, routine or preferences does not have to mean less pleasure — that is, if you don’t hold on to the unrealistic notion that your sex life at 50 has to look like it did when you were 18. 

I think that in some ways, sex just gets better and better over one’s lifetime – but only for couples that become more intimate and less judgmental. 

There’s no doubt that our hormones change and that can affect the intensity of sexual desire. It’s also true that there are physical challenges, like less blood flow to our genitals that can create weaker erection or slower arousal to orgasm for women. But here’s some uplifting data.

In a very large national study from 2017, nearly two-thirds of sexually satisfied older adults felt that their sex life was as passionate now as it was in their early days together with their partner. And that was true no matter how long they had been together. 

While it was true that even people who were happy with their relationship said their sexual frequency diminished over the years, the survey found that their sexual satisfaction didn’t!

The authors studied all kinds of sexual acts and personal behaviors to see what contributed to the longevity of passion and satisfaction. Keep scrolling to learn how to have a great sex life, according to research. 

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  1. They have good sexual communication

    Happy couples in Frederick's study talked about what they liked and didn’t like, and weren’t worried about giving and getting directions about what they needed at the time they needed it.
  2. They set a mood for sex

    According to the study, sexually satisfied couples generally tried to set a mood for sex — and also waited until they were both feeling that the mood for sex was right.
  3. They try new things

    They were more likely to do more of everything: different positions, oral sex, talking about and enacting their fantasies, wearing sexy lingerie, or using a sex toy.
  4. They get away from it all

    Couples who were more likely to have date nights and romantic getaways reported greater sexual satisfaction.
  5. They use affectionate behavior during sex

    For the more sexually-fulfilled couples, there was more hugging and kissing and saying “I love you” during sex.

I’m not so optimistic to think everyone will grow closer and be more satisfied with their sexual and emotional life together as time goes on.

However, it makes me feel great to know — and it should reassure us all — that this is possible for those who look at this not-so-mysterious formula for sex and intimacy and decide to make it happen. 

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About the writer
Dr. Pepper Schwartz
Pepper is Professor of Sociology at the University of Washington and has studied intimate relationships and sexuality her entire academic career.
During this time she has written 25 books, several on best seller lists, and created relationship and sexuality workshops for individuals and couples.
Most recently she has been one of the on-air relationship experts on the hit television show Married at First Sight, available to watch on Lifetime and Netflix.
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