How to Spice Up a Relationship

How can I spice up my relationship again?
on November 10, 2023
Read time: 10 mins
by Moraya Seeger DeGeare

Routine in a relationship isn’t a bad thing, but when your spark starts to fade, it isn’t a nice feeling. 

Learning how to spice up a relationship is an important lesson in every couple’s history. Yawning may be a normal reaction in the bedroom, but it isn’t the kind of energy that you want to define your sex life. 

If you’re looking for things to spice up a relationship, it’s time to turn up the heat and put your tastebuds to the test. So buckle up, things are about to get hot in here. 

How do you fix a boring relationship?

People often blame the loss of the honeymoon phase as a reason for stagnance in their relationships. However, as life gets hectic, this loss of spark can usually be traced back to a lack of effort or engagement by both partners. 

Whether we like it or not, a routine can quickly descend into a relationship rut, with your everyday life getting in the way of your romantic connection. While many couples are quick to label their relationship as boring or monotonous, it doesn’t have to be this way!

Even though the honeymoon period usually has an expiration date, it doesn’t have to be this way! You can set the tone in your relationship by consistently making the effort to connect with your partner. After all, the practice of love shouldn’t be a chore, but a way to leave room for spontaneity in your romantic relationship. 

What can a couple do to spice up their relationship?

If you’ve gotten into a routine in your relationship, it doesn’t take too long for your sex life to suffer. Even though it’s comforting to find a pattern in passion, it can get a little boring after a while — and it’s okay to admit it! 

There are a million ideas to spice up a relationship, with some kinkier additions to keep your flame burning!

From sex toys to spontaneous date nights, it’s important to make the effort to spice up your relationship. While some people might feel like a relationship overhaul, it’s often the little things that make the biggest difference in your relationship. 

What are some ways to spice up a relationship?

Have things been feeling a little bland lately? 

If you or your partner feel like you’ve gotten stuck in a rut, it might be time to add a little extra spice to your love life. While we all like to rework our bedroom routine, there are a lot of different ways to turn up the heat with your significant other — from new hobbies to future plans! 

No matter what you’re in the mood for, we’ve rounded up the best ways to spice up your long-term relationship here. 

1. Spontaneity 

Routines in a relationship can be comforting, and if you’re both happy, you don’t need to go reading into it! 

However, adding some spontaneity to your everyday routine could be just the thing your relationship is missing. Try throwing away your planner and going with the flow — you’d be surprised where spontaneous action could lead you!

From randomly trying that new restaurant you always walk by on your way home, or adding a little extra spice to your next sex session — catching your partner off guard could make their heart skip a beat! 

2. Self-love 

To foster a healthy relationship with your partner, you have to love yourself too! 

If you’ve been feeling low in yourself, schedule some time for self-care. Dress up on a random weeknight, or purchase some new lingerie that makes you feel like a million bucks! 

When you feel good about yourself, your newfound confidence will naturally be reflected in your relationship. Trust us, your partner will want to pay attention! 

3. Communication 

Every relationship goes through a rough patch. Even though it’s tempting to ride it out, initiating that conversation could be the cure you’re after. 

Advocate for open communication with your partner, encouraging them to speak their mind. Go beyond the small talk and dive beneath the surface, opening the gates to talk about anything and everything. 

Yes, we mean everything. 

4. Honesty 

When it comes to your partner’s feelings, it can feel like honesty is not the best policy. 

However, if you keep faking it, things are going to stay bland. Speak your mind about the situation and you might be surprised by the outcome. Stay open to your partner’s perspective and try not to take anything personally. 

Even if you have to have some tough conversations, some spicier moments await at the end of the tunnel.

5. Go slow 

Spicing up your relationship doesn’t have to be snappy. 

Take the time to let your tastebuds adjust by starting slow. Take advantage of some of the spicier quizzes and games in the Paired app to slowly set things in motion. 

Don’t feel pressure to rush into roleplay or sexual somersaults to spice things up! Get into the groove of things and listen to what you’re partner is looking for — that way neither of you will be scared off! 

6. Compliments

Even if you’ve been together for years, it doesn’t mean flirting has to become obsolete. 

Resurrect your best pick-up lines by complimenting your partner. Whether you like what they’re wearing, or want to express how proud you are of them — this extra bit of attention could re-attract those butterflies!

7. Cuddling 

Spooning shouldn’t be the only kind of cuddling on the menu. 

With our ‘Cuddle Pack’ as an aid, try and bring back the benefits of enhanced cuddle time. Try out some different cuddling combinations and just take a moment to appreciate every inch of your partner.

8. Practice intimacy

Intimacy doesn’t have just one meaning in a relationship. 

To reignite your spark, you’re going to have to tick all those boxes. Try and reestablish your emotional intimacy by asking deep questions and opening up to your partner. By laying the right kind of groundwork, your physical intimacy agenda is bound to be boosted too!

9. Learn your love language 

Do you know your partner’s love language? 

From physical touch to words of affirmation, these personal touches could cultivate the kind of intimacy you're after. 

10. Bring back foreplay 

When was the last time you both ‘just kissed’? 

Instead of getting right down to business, you might need to slow things down to spice things up. Take the time for an enhanced make-out session that doesn’t lead anywhere else — just like you were teenagers again!

Or, if you’re happy to work through some of the bases, bring back oral sex to completely focus on pleasuring your partner. This kind of focus and fulfillment could bring your relationship to a whole new level. 

11. Leave a love note 

Everyone loves a love letter, but a little love note could be just the ticket. 

Leave a few love notes strewn about the house, or buried in your partner’s bag to make your loved one smile. Whether you want to remind them of how much you love them, or want to hint at your plans for later… the wording is all up to you! 

12. Mix up your bedroom routine 

When you’re truly comfortable with someone, you can likely trace the exact route to get them off. 

Even though this knowledge has its perks (!!), it might be time to divert from the usual route. Try and mix up your bedroom routine with role-playing or some new positions!

“We often think of role-playing as putting on a costume or having a new name, but the bigger part that can really impact your relationship is tapping into other types of energy in that role-play,” says Moraya Seeger DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist and In-House Expert at Paired.

“It’s not just new words, it’s how you deliver the words. How you hold yourself. It’s embracing the confidence in role-playing and flirting with your lover in a whole new way. You might even find that you are even more attracted to yourself in those moments.”

Unsure where to start? Paired has a few questions to get that ball rolling…

13. Take away distractions

Do you feel like you’ve been ‘phubbed’ by your partner? 

Take the opportunity to step away from social media and switch your phone to Do Not Disturb. Instead of endless strolling, focus all your energy on your partner and update your best friend status by asking the right questions. 

14. Switch up the scenery

Sometimes all you need is to step out of your usual environment to switch up the status quo. 

Whether it’s a night away, or a romantic vacation, set the mood by changing the scenery. But remember, what happens on holiday — you don’t need to stay on holiday. 

15. Experiment with sex toys 

Add something a little extra to your routine by inviting some new toys into your bedroom. 

From couples vibrators to handcuffs, these little extra additions could be just what you need to spice up your sex life. 

“Have a conversation about pegging with your partner,” says Seeger DeGeare.

It might just be a matter of starting the conversation on ways to have some new kinds of fun.”

16. Share fantasies

What is your ultimate fantasy?

Whether you want to explore your perfect date dreams or describe your sexual fantasies, this is your opportunity to take the floor. Even if you don’t feel like tapping into your dreams quite yet, just the conversation could be enough to spark something more. 

17. Surprises 

If you’re bringing back spontaneity, you have to bring back surprises!

Whether you walk in with a bunch of flowers or plan a surprise date night (in your lingerie!), the surprise factor doesn’t have to fade after the dating phase. 

18. Plan adventures 

Look forward to the future! 

Make plans for romantic getaways or elaborate date nights to bring back a bit of excitement into the relationship. Having something to countdown to is a fun novelty that often fades as the years roll on — but who said it has to?

19. Date nights 

This may seem like the most obvious one on our list, but one should never underestimate the power of a good date night. 

Getting dressed up, heading out to a nice restaurant, holding hands across the table — this kind of quality time just can’t be topped! Or, if you feel like walking down memory lane, why not try and recreate your first date? 

Light those candles and see what happens when you blow them out at the end of the night…

20. Express gratitude 

If you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for a while, the novelty of it all can wear off. 

However, we don’t believe that you should only know what you have when it’s gone, appreciate it when it’s right in front of you! Make an effort to express your gratitude to your partner for everything that they do for you, and show appreciation for their part in your life. 

21. Try PDA 

It doesn’t need to be a make-out sesh in the middle of the street, but a little PDA never hurt anyone. 

Try holding hands, or sharing a little kiss when you’re out and about. While you may not want to shout from the rooftops about your relationship, proudly showing off your partner will never be a bad thing. 

22. Time apart 

Does absence make the heart grow fonder? 

While we don’t recommend living separate lives, sometimes it’s healthy to have the opportunity to miss your partner. The excitement that bubbles as you countdown to your reunion — that could kickstart that spark all over again! 

23. Spicy text sessions 

Sexting isn’t confined to the early stages of dating. 

When you’re apart from your partner, it’s fun to whip out a few spicy texts. Remind your partner of your kinkier memories, or spark a conversation about what you’re going to be doing later tonight. 

24. Create a bucket list

Do you have a bedroom bucket list? We invite our Paired users to create their kinky sex bucket list with our spicy games. 

Explore your greatest fantasies with your partner and take pleasure in ticking things off your list… 

25. Say ‘I Love You’

At the start of your relationship, it takes a while to build up the courage for a love confession. 

But once you’ve said it, we believe that you should never stop. No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s good to reevaluate why you’re with your partner in the first place.

Telling your partner you love them can make it all make sense. After all, no matter your relationship rut, we like to believe that true love conquers all. 

+50k reviews
Bring the spark back into your relationship!
Download the #1 app for couples to guide you in the process.
our app
petal decoration

Enjoying this article?

A happier relationship starts here.

Question with locked answer