24 Ways to Initiate Dirty Talk for Long-Distance Relationships

How to keep the spark alive with flirty and sexual messages for long-distance relationships

by Sarah Finley

A long-distance relationship can mean lots of lonely nights with no company, so we put together 24 ways to initiate dirty talk for a long-distance relationship to build excitement when you’re not together.

“These days it's easier than ever to spice up your sex life in a long-distance relationship, explains sex therapist Rebecca Lowrie. “Sexting, sexy times together over video calls, and even remote-controlled sex toys make it possible to keep the heat turned up even when you're not physically together.”

Why is talking dirty important in a long-distance relationship?

Sex can bring intimacy into a relationship, bringing you and your partner closer, so dirty talk and sexting can remind your long-distance partner that you’re thinking of them and can’t wait to physically have sex with them.

“Talking dirty can help long-distance relationships as it allows for a physical connection which is otherwise a challenge when being distant,” explains Michaela Thomas, a clinical psychologist and author of The Lasting Connection.

Of course, the reaction we hope for when we start talking dirty to a partner is shock and delight. But while some couples love the idea of it, others may struggle with stepping outside their comfort zone. Make sure you communicate how you feel about it while in a safe space emotionally with your significant other.

“Before you start sexy talking with your partner, have a conversation about whether you both like it or not,” Lowrie says. “ If you do like it, share what you each like about it. Then practice it together. Make it fun and explore what works well and what doesn't.”

Thomas agrees. “Approach it with curiosity and talk about it rather than launch straight into it. Sex communication (talking about your needs, wishes, fears in the bedroom) is more impactful for your sexual satisfaction than the actual act, or the frequency of any act, so make sure to keep talking — before you talk dirty.”

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How do you start a dirty conversation in a long-distance relationship?

If you’re a newbie Lowrie advises thinking of it like flirting and foreplay. Test the water and progress from there. “You might tell them something you'd like them to do to you or that you'd like to do with them,” Lowrie advises. Be as playful as possible, bringing in personal touches that mean something to both of you.

Two sexy ways of talking dirty to your partner are asking them questions, or being more provocative with dirty phrases that you know will turn them on, via text or WhatsApp.

But how provocative should you be? “You can be as provocative as feels good to you,” Lowrie says. “Don't send or say something that isn't true to who you are. Be yourself. Also, be mindful that technology isn't always private and confidential.”

Still unsure? There are so many advantages to talking dirty in a long-distance relationship, and it's not just the obvious. “Daring to be vulnerable with each other, like you do when writing provocative things, can foster closeness, simply because vulnerability feeds connection,” says Thomas.

Need inspiration for dirty phrases and sexting for your long-distance relationship? Keep scrolling for 24 examples of how to talk dirty with your partner.