How to Flirt with Your Partner (Even After Years Together)

Let’s be honest: long-term love can start to feel… less like a rom-com and more like a shared calendar.

on September 03, 2025

Read time: 10 mins

Between work, laundry, and the endless loop of “What do you want for dinner?” — flirting might be the last thing on your mind. But here’s the truth: flirting isn’t just for first dates. It’s exactly what keeps things playful and connected after the honeymoon phase fades.

And no — it doesn’t have to be cheesy or cringey. It just takes a little intention.

I’m Aly, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Head of Relationships at Paired — the relationship app that helps couples stay in love. Today, I want to show you how to flirt with your partner, even if your idea of foreplay lately is sending each other funny reels.

Prefer to watch? Hit play on the video. Can’t right now? No worries—everything’s laid out in black and white just below.

Why Flirting Still Matters (Especially After Years Together)

Let’s get one thing straight: flirting isn’t about seduction. It’s about spark. And research backs this up — couples who keep flirting, teasing, and playing together report stronger emotional bonds, higher attraction, and lower levels of stress. Not bad for a well-timed wink.

But flirting in a long-term relationship isn’t the same as it was when you first met. It’s not about impressing — it’s about connecting. It’s reminding each other: “Hey, I still see you. I still want you.”

So, how do you flirt like you used to — without it feeling forced? Here’s your five-step guide.

How to flirt with your partner:

Bring Back Flirty Texts You used to send each other spicy emojis. Now it’s just “Need eggs” and “You left the lights on.” Let’s change that. Try sending a text that interrupts the mundane: “Cancel your evening plans — I have a better idea.” “I just saw a picture of you in my head. Distracting. Send help.” “Remember that one time in the car… yeah, me too.” Not ready to go full NSFW? Even a well-placed compliment or inside joke can shift the energy. And if it’s been a while since you sent a flirty photo… well, WhatsApp is encrypted. Just saying. 💜 Flirty text challenge: Send one playful or suggestive message this week that would’ve made your 2015 self blush.

Compliment Them in Unexpected Ways No one wants to feel like background furniture in their own relationship. A well-timed compliment is one of the fastest ways to make your partner feel seen — and sexy. Instead of “You look nice,” say: “Wait, what were you saying? I got distracted by how good you look right now.” “Damn, how did I get so lucky?” “The way your brain works is actually ridiculously attractive.” It’s not about flattery. It’s about attention. And attention, when given freely, is foreplay. 💜 Try this tonight: Compliment something small — the way they laugh, the way they cut vegetables. Make it weirdly specific.

Rediscover Playful Touch This one’s underrated. Studies show that casual, nonsexual touch builds safety, trust, and emotional connection — and yet, most long-term couples stop touching. Not because they don’t care, but because routine takes over. So bring back the touch — not just in bed, but in the kitchen, the hallway, the grocery store. Try: A spontaneous kiss mid-sentence. A cheeky butt grab while doing dishes. The “Three Breath Hug” — hold each other tightly and breathe together three times. No agenda. Just contact.

Play (Just a Little) Hard to Get We’re not talking about mind games. We’re talking about energy. Remember the beginning? The will-they-won’t-they tension? You can absolutely recreate that — even in a 12-year relationship with two kids and a shared Dropbox. Try: A lingering almost-kiss… then walk away. Whisper “Not yet” and flash a smile. Give them a wink, then turn back to your work email like nothing happened. A little mystery creates excitement. You’re not being coy — you’re reminding them what it’s like to chase you. 💜 Try this: Create one moment this week where you pull away on purpose — and watch what happens next.

Revive Your Inside Jokes & Traditions Inside jokes are like emotional glue. They say: “This is our language.” They remind you that your relationship is its own tiny world — one built on years of shared weirdness. Revisit an old nickname. Tease them about that vacation moment they still deny happened. Challenge them to Mario Kart like it’s 2012. Or recreate your first date and pretend you’re meeting all over again. 💜 Try this: Leave a silly note in their coat pocket. Bonus points if it includes a callback to something only the two of you would understand.

The Bottom Line: Flirting Keeps You in Love, Not Just in Lust

Flirting isn’t about impressing your partner — it’s about reminding them (and yourself) that you’re still playful, still present, still in it.

And if it feels a little awkward at first? That’s okay. Awkward is just intimacy getting warmed up.

Try This Tonight:

If you want a nudge to make flirting feel easier, the Paired app has playful, research-backed prompts to help you connect emotionally and physically. Think of it as your daily flirting coach — minus the wingman in a fedora.